How love is going to be??

 So I'm going to be 30 years old in 8 months or so..

And its an open secret that everyone is crazily wanted to ask me the 'question'..

When are you getting married? ???

Don't you want to get married? ??

Well my answer would be No..
No, never in my 29 years of life I wish to get married..
I never have the dream to get married and have babies so forth before I turn 30..never!!

Lol, there were times I'm confused that if ever that thought can turn me into homosexuality kind of thing ...

But now I realised that I was not married because I never want it to..

I was not happy being me..how could I make someone else happy..

I could not have children because I was not ready to tell them they are beautiful, because I thought I was the ugly one..

How you could love someone that comes from you when you hate what's inside yourself. .

And I understand it now..I understand it completely. .I can't have something that I can't handle it..Allah knows it all along..

And for that, my dua before I go to sleep tonight;

Ya allah, thank you for all the things in my life..thank  you for giving me a second chance to live..the only who knows my destiny, if there is written in jannah that I will get married,  may it brings more joy and happiness to the world I lives in..and at the end of my destinations, may it brings me to heaven eternally.. ameeen ..ya rabbana al amin