A Future Unknown

Should I start again ,

 Going back to the beginning,

   or Should I stay to start anew....

Could happiness lying to be found in the steps that I take,

 or Should I erase the memories within me...

Lights seems so far away

But the songs keeps repeating in my head

The memories of the little girl who's determined that it is true, that it was supposed to be, could it be me? 

Can i find her again??

A letter To a friend :)

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Dear friend,

You might not know me, or you might have forgotten about me, but it's ok...

I'm writing to you to say I'm sorry for everything...

I'm sorry for being too quite, maybe you probably feel a little bit overwhelmed that you also forgot that I have a voice,

I'm sorry for not saying anything, even though I know I should,

I'm sorry for not being there, I'm so selfish,

I'm sorry for thinking that you are not good enough for me,

I'm sorry if I had hurt you.....

See the things is, I'm never knew I was good, I never believe I can be the best, I never trust myself..
I'm too angry with everything, everyone, blaming that it was everyone's fault that I'm different...
I can't see myself in the mirror,such that was seeing an ugly face that I want to forget...
I don't speak as I'm afraid to looks straight into your eyes..
I'm afraid that you could see my disability that I wish I could disappear in flash light..

For that all negativity I had before ,
Thank you for being there,
THANK YOU for being my friend, 
Thank you for giving me the chance to live again as a human being who finally accepts that she is half blind ^_^ 

My current positive songs on repeat :)

The Anyway Poem

               ~ People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;

Forgive them anyway.

~If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

              Be kind anyway.

     ~If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

               Succeed anyway.

     ~If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

              Be honest and frank anyway.

      ~What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

               Build anyway.

     ~If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

              Be happy anyway.

          ~The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

              Do good anyway.

           ~Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

              Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

  You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

              It was never between you and them anyway

-Mother Teresa

What's in for ME?

Wakes up,ready for work,arrived, breakfast, open the pc, lunch, stare up front,left and right,SHUT DOWN.
Life should be great,but instead I feel so wrong to be alive, to pretend that this is it.This is the life that I want. What should I be,What should I do? What was I meant to be????
Being 29 (in another 3 months!!) I realised that I'm not afraid to age, but I was afraid that I'm not actually living my life.....

People get married, but are they happy? 
They have children, do they have time?
They are a couple,do they fight?

Life seems to be so easy, yet, my heart feels so empty by not knowing What should I do....
Ya Allah,berikanlah aku petunjuk ke jalan yg diredai-amin

My Dream...or should I start dreaming?

You know when you're young, people will tell you to write what you want to do in life, what is your goal when you grow up, what you want to be in future...

So with a good heart, you took your diary and start scribbling away your thoughts and dreams in the most grandest way that you can imagine, believing that somehow for tiniest percentage in the law of universe, the dreams will come true...

So what happens when one of your dreams come true?? What you gonna do? Write in a new dream??From buying a Myvi to Vios, then to BMW?..

For most people, when we are young, our dreams was  to get a good job,buy a car and house,open your life savings account, insurance and for some lucky people falls in love with a great guy/girl  and get married, settled down..

For me, at this young age of life (29 years old) , I practically have most of what I want or should I say what I have written down when I'm 21 years old... Car, stable job, savings, which actually if I calculate correctly, can let me survived 2 years with my current lifestyle..

So what should I do from here?

My self questioning mode now: I really want to buy a house, have my own room, my own walking closet, my own shoes rack, but the questions that they have been bugging me is :Why?? Why I want this? What other things that I want to own? And somehow I realized, to really achieve your dreams, there is something inside that need to change..I can't live believing that is all I wanted..somehow inside, I believe that there is greater things I need to do in life..the one that I need to let my heart search for an answer..

I need a Magic ball

Not sure whether it was because of my age or was it a sign??

Reading Potter's book, getting emotional about Steve Jobs loss, the Korean drama all about starting over have plagued my mind like forever...

I know this coming, but never knew how demanding is to think about this over and over again...

What will I do if I meet my 10 years old younger self? My 19 years old,studying at Matriculation College waiting for a call from any university..What will I told her? What I want her to do?? What I want her to be????

Then there is Scent of Woman..If I have only 3 months to live, what will I do??What I will do differently from now?

Will there be people remember about me even when I'm gone? Could I do so much good things in the world like Mr Jobs ??

Can I?What I want to be??- these questions keep coming & coming..I seriously need a MAGIC wand~ :/

Life without a Phone

It's been exactly 10 days I'm without my Blackberry Torch!! Horror!! but somehow
~ Good things I realised from it:
* I will go to sleep at 10pm and actually I'm capable to wake up at 5.30 am
* I'm browsing the internet like a thunder second, skimming & read what I see is important & pretty pictures
>Borrowing someone's else broadband at 6.am while ready to go to work & enjoying life after work at 7pm
*Reading the magazine & books while in LRT that I actually carried in my bag the whole time before this..
* No stupid calls or message .....or actually no sad feelings when you checked the missed call or sms that the only people that been calling you is your customer or people bugging you to pay the debt!

~yes!! somehow I feel good not having a phone...only that the bad side is you can't change what you want to do on that day, want to watch a movie, message them in twitter/FB, or else, pretty much you're hoping that you can borrow random people phones to make that one phone call or SMS :/

If I Can Turn Back Time

The only reason I'm watching this is because of the OST singer, Kim Junsu from JYJ. I haven't been into K-Dramas that much..sometimes I feel the story/scripts is like a repeat/copy from each other..But the moment I watch this drama, and really understand the plot, my heart goes to the main heroine girl....

She was not your usual pretty girl like in the most K-drama these days, and her lives was boring at it best, but the most awesome part of her character is how she's bravely living her life and in the same time, working hard in her job <she's the type who do everything, and yet other people took the credit> ..sigh..

But I LOVE how her life suddenly turns upside down, when she was diagnosed with cancer & only have 3 months to live. Her JOURNEY of life starts from here..

My second encounter of What if is through this book:

A story about a girl who accidentally met her 10 years old younger self...........

And she made a list..What she should tell her younger self to avoid things that she hopes to forgot, all mistakes that she did...

And the same thing with the K-Drama, Scent of Woman.. she made her wish list~things to do before she die~ :|
 

Introduction

Places that I've visited : Canada (Toronto,Vancouver,Montrea-2005-8 months), London (2004)
                                    2009- Bandung, Hong Kong, Shenzhen
                                    2010-Singapore {thereafter each year}
                                    2011-Phuket & Krabi

In coming: Tokyo ,Japan

Places that I DREAM to visits : Turkey, Spain, Peru, Australia, Canada ,New Zealand

Special Mention: Seoul,South Korea